Every so often a movie comes out that bamboozles people into thinking it’s good. Whether it be the haughty directing chops, high production value, seamless CGI or flawless ensemble; these movies make you think you’ve just sat through one of the critics top ten list’s top 5, that you’ve just witnessed cinematic nirvana, and this seems even more safe a bet when everyone else nods in dumb-ass agreement.
One such movie is Prometheus currently enjoying the sort of foaming masturbatory mouth love from fans and critics alike that’s usually reserved for a film that is actually in any way good. Which Prometheus I’d like to point out isn’t.
And we’re not saying this to be ‘cool’ and buck the trend. We’re saying it because Prometheus is actually a stinking log of shite in Christmas wrapping paper. And while you might have liked the wrapping paper, you can’t ignore that smell forever.
And we’re here to make it all the more potent, so snuffle up and take a whiff because below we have 5 reasons why Prometheus is a Boston Steamer, and if you think it’s good you’re wrong (and probably fart in the bath and bite the bubble too):
5 . Prometheus Asks A Deep Philosophical Question
And Thus It’s Deep. If You’re 12
Where do we come from? Oh right, from that planet over on the right. Well that was anti-climatic.
Firstly; the question of where we came from may be a deep philosophical question, but it is also a question that has been addressed by everyone of note from the pre-Socratics onwards with varying degrees of bull-shit for the past couple thousand years. It’s not new, and it’s not clever. It’s even older than father time god dammit!
It’s the sort of question that Science has had a crack at answering with the whole evolution malarkey, we mostly believe them (unless you’re a rabid creationist) and just because Ridley Scott asked the same question with some nice cinematography and good special effects doesn’t make you enlightened because you could understand him.
Because this movie is spoon-fed philosophy for the masses, not the real deal. And the pseudo science involved is just plain bollocks and makes no sense for more reasons than I can comfortably go into here.
If you actually want to know ‘where we come from’ try Hawking, Feynman, Dawkin’s maybe and then come back and tell me how smart you are. Because while Ridley Scott asks a potent question, he then proceeds to take a massive crap all over that question and wipe his ass with your eyeballs.
And let me just remind ya’ll that the last time anyone asked questions about our mysterious beginnings and linked them to Alien races from beyond the stars it was ErichVon Daniken with his books Chariots Of The Gods.
You know, that guy from the 70′s we all quickly realised was fucking whack-a-doodle.
If he’d had better special effects and cinematography maybe you’d have believed him.