Note: Though it’d break all kind of Copyright infringement laws, we like to believe that this has already happened.
By Abigail Chandler
TONY STARK is exiting an exclusive club into a DARK ALLEY. He wears a SARDONIC SMIRK that reminds one strongly of ROBERT DOWNEY JNR.
Exactly like this guy, only not him.
Above him on a low roof crouches the distinctive silhouette of BATMAN, LURKING.
Tony looks up, putting on SUNGLASSES that make him look COOL.
Or should I say… IRON MAN?!
Is that supposed to impress me? I went public in the first film, do your research.
Batman is RILED. It’s hard to tell though, as his suit is IMMOBILE.
This is what Batman looks like when he is happy, sad, confused or just plain pissed off.
Don’t gloat just because you were too goddamned weak to keep a secret identity. I’ve kept mine for 73 years!
Apart from all those Robins you told. How many have you got through now? Like, 20?
Hey, didn’t you have a girl one once?
And didn’t she even got her own Rocky 3 training montage.
Batman’s eyes look SHIFTY.
We don’t talk about that. Point is, my secret identity helps me to inspire fear.
I have a PR team. They help me get hot women and free crap.
Tony is now CHEWING GUM. Again, rather like ROBERT DOWNEY JNR.
So… you want me to get you into the club or something?
I’m here to warn you, Stark. You might have a head start on me and a little team of Oscar-bait friends, but don’t think you can beat me.
Er, I’m pretty sure God of Thunder trumps big mumbly Hannibal Lector mask guy.
Batman lunges towards Tony, growling like CHRISTIAN BALE thinking of assaulting a FAMILY MEMBER.
Or a sound guy.
I’m coming for you. I already took down the wuss in the flag.
CAPTAIN AMERICA, hanging by his ankles above a cityscape, CRYING like a GIRL.
Sniff. “I miss the 40′s”
And soon there’ll be nowhere for you to hide.
I don’t need to hide. Billion dollar supersuit, remember?
I’ll take you down with only a utility belt and an elderly butler.
AI butler. Supersonic flight. Rockets that shoot out my ass. Samuel L Jackson. Admit it, Bats, I got you beat.
The suit, the team, the gods, I don’t need any of those things to beat you. Want to know why?
Tony, being FOOLISH and COCKY, says:
Batman GRABS him by the shirt.
Batman fires a GRAPPLING GUN and vanishes into the night.
Tony symbolically REMOVES his GLASSES.
Yep, we’re screwed.
Behind him appears a RED-HAIRED MAN, enveloped in the sort of MESSIANIC GLOW only millions of ADORING GEEKS can generate.
This man is JOSS WHEDON.
Both the hero we deserved and the hero we needed!
We’re cool man. I got your back.
Tony sighs with relief not to be COMPLETELY DOOMED.
They head off down the alley together.
Tags: bruce wayne, dark knight rises, iron man, the avengers, tony moore
You’re going to give me all the good lines though, right?
Don’t be greedy Tony, you already got the most quotable line from the trailer.