6 Unforgivable Fan Boy Sins

6 Unforgivable Sins Of The Whingeing Fan Boy
Posted on: August 1st, 2013

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Long before the superhero furore of the mid 2000′s fan boys were largely confined to opinionating on their favourite comics and some fairly, for the period, top notch TV, while opining a time when CGI and the studios would finally catapult their favourite characters onto the big screen with movies that captured every faucet of what made us love them. That time has come, indeed has been here for quite a while now, and due to the big budget, big return nature of superhero movies doesn’t seem to be going anywhere any time soon.

This writer remembers the pre-swell of superhero big screen action well, as a one time fan boy who often speculated that Superhero movies could only be a matter of time due to the rapid growth in technology and mainstream proliferation (It was called the 90′s). This began with Stephen Norrington’s Blade (1998 WW Box office gross $131.2 Million) a superhero movie, albeit darker and more practical, then showed further potential with Bryan Singers low key mutant feature X-Men (2000, WW box office gross $296,339,527) and was finally cemented with Sam Raimi’s big budget, big screen Spider-Man (2002, WW Box office gross $890.9 Million).

These films and their figures were a mere drop in the pond compared with their latter day contemporaries however – like Dark Knight Rises (2012) the 3rd of Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy which took World Wide figures of $1,084,439,099, Joss Whedon’s The Avengers with a WW Gross $1,511,757,910, Iron Man 3 (2013) which grossed WW $1,211,744,472 and more recently Man Of Steel, which as of writing this and according to BoxOfficeMojo currently sits at $1.25 billion.

 

shitstorm

 

 

The point is, that once shunned by society’s masses fan boys, due to the permeation of nerd culture into the mainstream, now have a sway like never before. With advanced knowledge and insight on the newest superhero tentpoles they have by comic collecting default and the broad outlet of the internet found themselves in a position to comment with the ferocity of a learned critic, with critics not nearly as informed on contemporary filmic subject matters as someone who’s spent years reading about them in comic/book format.

But with the increase in their intellectual sway has rose the growth in their arrogance. A popular example of this sway involves Fan Boys of a different ilk (gamers) in their thousands, who managed to pressure BioWare into changing the ending of their mega-popular console game Mass Effect 3 because the original really pissed them off. That’s a pretty big deal and a major concession from a gaming giant to appease the screeching masses.

 

I'm soooooo ANGRY

I’m soooooo ANGRY

 

Fan boys it seems can no longer be ignored and are becoming less of a lovable nerd menace, more renowned elitist cyber dicks;  patrolling the internet for anything they find unworthy or intellectually offensive. Trolling, abusing and generally dropping bucket loads of shit on anyone who isn’t up to date that Doc Ock is currently Spider-Man and not Peter Parker. So we decided it was time to gauge just what sins make up an annoying fan boy. Are you guilty of them? Do you know someone who is?

 

Disclaimer: Bad Haven found that we as a group were guilty of all of the following sins, but as individuals were slightly less culpable clocking in maybe 5 out of the 6, well sometimes 6 and a half. We’re so, so sorry….well…… we’re not really. But we probably should be.

Now let the sins begin:

 

6. They Don’t Care About Good Filmmaking

A friend of a friend recently made the completely ridiculous statement that Iron Man 3 should have had more dialogue from the original comics. The same ass-hat also said that Tony Stark wasn’t in the Iron Man suit enough and it wasn’t as good as the second film because War Machine didn’t use his mini-gun.

 

iron man 3 mandarin

And then there was this

 

Fan Boy reaction

SACRILEGE!

 

This sums up a trait of the annoying fan boy that is particularly grating – they don’t understand what the purpose of a film is. Instead of being concerned about plot or character coming together to provide an enthralling experience, they fantasy wank over the superficial elements like props, costumes and explosions.

Trying to have a conversation with these numbskulls about the actual story of a film or how well it’s told is a futile endeavour, but it’s unavoidable because they are the type of person who loves to express their redundant opinions to the point of exhaustion. If you’re a film-lover you feel compelled to have it out with them in an attempt to encourage them to enjoy the finer things in life. It’s no use – I’ve had better luck changing the opinion of a brick wall.

 

brick wall

 

5. They Make Us Sick Of A Film Before It’s Even Released

At SDCC 2013 several hundred fan boys simultaneously ejaculated into their crusty y-fronts when this image appeared on a screen.

 

Superman/Batman Logo SDCC

 

 

Forget for one moment that DC is planning to jump the shark in 2015 with this film…

OH WAIT YOU CAN’T FORGET BECAUSE THE FANBOYS WON’T SHUT UP ABOUT IT.

Two years. Two bloody years until the film is released and already I’m sick of hearing about it. Do I really need crap posted daily about this on my Twitter/Facebook feeds? Already we’ve been subjected to earth-shatteringly fascinating news like:

“Superman/Batman Film to be shot in Toronto.” DON’T CARE.

“Frank Miller to Meet Zack Snyder to Talk About Superman/Batman.” DON’T CARE.

“10 Best Fan Created Posters for Superman/Batman.” DON’T CARE.

This shit is going to continue for two fucking years. Every single photograph or ‘news item’ will be dissected and complained about. On set photo of new Batman costume? Expect a billion discussions about how it sucks. Henry Cavill gets a paper cut on set? Cue a million fanboy websites rushing to report this important news. By the time the film is actually released you won’t have been able to avoid the endless speculation because pointless hype is their heroin.

If by some incredible miracle the film is actually good the viewing experience will still have been tainted by two years of people masturbating furiously over non-news.

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Author Info

This is a team-up article co-written by Alex Kazam and Mark 'The Bad Man' McCann.

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Comments
  • justpayingavisit

    All this bullshit from a fucktard ‘wizard’ who has the cracking smart idea to call himself Alex Kazam. This site seriously sucks massive donkey dick. Self indulgent writers who have very little to say that is of any worth reading. Sad to see that each writer has their own account to troll the trollers. Boring bastards.

    • Kazam

      Thanks for the feedback justpayingavisit. Sorry, I meant Darren McRoberts – owner of Disposable Heroes Comics in Belfast.

      I’m looking forward to finally meeting you in person so you can call me a fucktard wizard to my face.

      I’m also looking forward to receiving yet another screenshot from one of your Facebook ‘friends’ of you having a passive-aggressive whinge about your favourite site Bad Haven. So much complaining yet you’re always back to read more.

      (Seriously please do have a wee Facebook rant – they amuse me greatly).

    • justpayingavisit

      Well if you guys can’t take a slagging or a spot of trolling then the internet isn’t for you. And if you can’t take it then don’t give it to people who actually comment on your posts.
      You all seem to have a way of popping up under these same names defending your articles by slagging off those who comment…. so welcome to the internet.
      Also, to be fair, Mark already knows I have no love for Bad Haven so anything that I post about the site on Facebook he always hears to his face. You call that criticism.
      And if you can’t take take a bit of critique about things from your readers then it speaks volumes. Even more so is when Jerry Babbits.. sorry Marks… only comeback is something regarding ‘mouth breathing’
      Shouldn’t you also maybe be spending that time scouring my Facebook in the hunt for my BH related posts on something of use? Such as thinking up a relative article? I mean ’7 Robocop songs you have to hear’ in which you suck your own cock by putting one of your bands songs in there hardly cuts it does it?
      Lastly, I only ever come back on as a challenge to myself to make it to the end of an article and that is something I have yet to do.

    • Kazam

      I’m sure you do give plenty of eloquent criticism to Mark on the editorial content of Bad Haven. Fucktard wizard and donkey dick definitely come across as the musings of a critic and not someone for whom this article hit a little too close to home.

      We actually enjoy receiving a good slagging and a spot of trolling. This is why we’ve titled the comments section The Insult Zone. If you comment and I comment back this is evidence of not being able to ‘take a slagging’ in your eyes? Give a real critique and we’ll have a real discussion. Throw around insults and we’ll slag you back. Pretty straightforward rules of discourse. Clearly you’re only capable of the latter so that’s how we’ll roll.

      Thanks for reading that Robocop article. Naturally I’m going to suck my own cock in it because A) it’s my article, B) it’s my website and C) it tastes damn great. You should come along to our gig on Saturday and have a taste for yourself. I hear you’re into that kind of thing (rock music).

      Anyone with half a brain could see this article was written to provoke a reaction by the people it’s about. Thanks for biting.

    • AL

      It tastes great ? So you like the taste of shit then ? :)

    • Jerry Babbitt

      hahaha! Listen, you got me and that chunky fuck mixed up. It’s an easy mistake though since we both got the same hair cut. He should be so flattered right now. Nice flame war btw. Comedy ass-holes are why I like the internet

    • AL

      Looks like the fucktard wizard got buttsore ! :)

    • gdpwatson_art

      Jeez, steady on Daz. Trolling a website is one thing but that’s a personal attack on Al. The article was clearly intended to get a rise out of people. You know what the 2 of them are like. I thought it was funny.

  • AL

    WOW ! The guys that wrote this article are seriously effin reatarded.

    • Jerry Babbitt

      ‘Reatarded’? Ya fucking mouth breather

    • AL

      Did you make fun of my grammar and then use YA instead of You ? That’s so cute :)

    • Jerry Babbitt

      Not nearly as cute as you walking up the isle in your Hal Jordan Plus size PJ’s Allen. Awwww

    • AL

      I KNOW RIGHT ?!?! That is a level of cuteness you can never match !!! Thanks for noticing !!! :)

    • Jen Sullivan

      You sir, are almost a parody of stupid

    • AL

      Only almost ? Damn ! I was going for full blown.

  • Elver Galarga

    those faggots needs something near to real sex… seriously… they feel they are the ultimate critics here… Alex Kazam and Mark McCann please bitches, go fuck-urselfs… its not even funny, pretty stupid if you ask..

    • Kazam

      We are the ultimate critics here. FACT. Also I remember Real Sex from years ago on HBO/Channel 5. Something near to it would still be too soft-core for a connoisseur like myself.

      In your response please continue to put three periods/full-stops between the sentences to mimic the long pauses you are no doubt having between typing each one.

      Thanks.

    • Jen Sullivan

      In one paragraph you’ve shown that not only are you a childish homophobic fuck, but also that whatever this article said offended you so much that you’re clearly guilty of it, and you had to get pissy and childish about things to get payback. You’re one pathetic douche Elver

  • Jerry Babbitt

    I never thought of myself as annoying fan up til I read this. FUCK YOU GUYS! Also where do I sign up?