Long before the superhero furore of the mid 2000′s fan boys were largely confined to opinionating on their favourite comics and some fairly, for the period, top notch TV, while opining a time when CGI and the studios would finally catapult their favourite characters onto the big screen with movies that captured every faucet of what made us love them. That time has come, indeed has been here for quite a while now, and due to the big budget, big return nature of superhero movies doesn’t seem to be going anywhere any time soon.
This writer remembers the pre-swell of superhero big screen action well, as a one time fan boy who often speculated that Superhero movies could only be a matter of time due to the rapid growth in technology and mainstream proliferation (It was called the 90′s). This began with Stephen Norrington’s Blade (1998 WW Box office gross $131.2 Million) a superhero movie, albeit darker and more practical, then showed further potential with Bryan Singers low key mutant feature X-Men (2000, WW box office gross $296,339,527) and was finally cemented with Sam Raimi’s big budget, big screen Spider-Man (2002, WW Box office gross $890.9 Million).
These films and their figures were a mere drop in the pond compared with their latter day contemporaries however – like Dark Knight Rises (2012) the 3rd of Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy which took World Wide figures of $1,084,439,099, Joss Whedon’s The Avengers with a WW Gross $1,511,757,910, Iron Man 3 (2013) which grossed WW $1,211,744,472 and more recently Man Of Steel, which as of writing this and according to BoxOfficeMojo currently sits at $1.25 billion.
The point is, that once shunned by society’s masses fan boys, due to the permeation of nerd culture into the mainstream, now have a sway like never before. With advanced knowledge and insight on the newest superhero tentpoles they have by comic collecting default and the broad outlet of the internet found themselves in a position to comment with the ferocity of a learned critic, with critics not nearly as informed on contemporary filmic subject matters as someone who’s spent years reading about them in comic/book format.
But with the increase in their intellectual sway has rose the growth in their arrogance. A popular example of this sway involves Fan Boys of a different ilk (gamers) in their thousands, who managed to pressure BioWare into changing the ending of their mega-popular console game Mass Effect 3 because the original really pissed them off. That’s a pretty big deal and a major concession from a gaming giant to appease the screeching masses.
Fan boys it seems can no longer be ignored and are becoming less of a lovable nerd menace, more renowned elitist cyber dicks; patrolling the internet for anything they find unworthy or intellectually offensive. Trolling, abusing and generally dropping bucket loads of shit on anyone who isn’t up to date that Doc Ock is currently Spider-Man and not Peter Parker. So we decided it was time to gauge just what sins make up an annoying fan boy. Are you guilty of them? Do you know someone who is?
Disclaimer: Bad Haven found that we as a group were guilty of all of the following sins, but as individuals were slightly less culpable clocking in maybe 5 out of the 6, well sometimes 6 and a half. We’re so, so sorry….well…… we’re not really. But we probably should be.
Now let the sins begin:
6. They Don’t Care About Good Filmmaking
A friend of a friend recently made the completely ridiculous statement that Iron Man 3 should have had more dialogue from the original comics. The same ass-hat also said that Tony Stark wasn’t in the Iron Man suit enough and it wasn’t as good as the second film because War Machine didn’t use his mini-gun.
This sums up a trait of the annoying fan boy that is particularly grating – they don’t understand what the purpose of a film is. Instead of being concerned about plot or character coming together to provide an enthralling experience, they fantasy wank over the superficial elements like props, costumes and explosions.
Trying to have a conversation with these numbskulls about the actual story of a film or how well it’s told is a futile endeavour, but it’s unavoidable because they are the type of person who loves to express their redundant opinions to the point of exhaustion. If you’re a film-lover you feel compelled to have it out with them in an attempt to encourage them to enjoy the finer things in life. It’s no use – I’ve had better luck changing the opinion of a brick wall.
5. They Make Us Sick Of A Film Before It’s Even Released
At SDCC 2013 several hundred fan boys simultaneously ejaculated into their crusty y-fronts when this image appeared on a screen.
Forget for one moment that DC is planning to jump the shark in 2015 with this film…
OH WAIT YOU CAN’T FORGET BECAUSE THE FANBOYS WON’T SHUT UP ABOUT IT.
Two years. Two bloody years until the film is released and already I’m sick of hearing about it. Do I really need crap posted daily about this on my Twitter/Facebook feeds? Already we’ve been subjected to earth-shatteringly fascinating news like:
“Superman/Batman Film to be shot in Toronto.” DON’T CARE.
“Frank Miller to Meet Zack Snyder to Talk About Superman/Batman.” DON’T CARE.
“10 Best Fan Created Posters for Superman/Batman.” DON’T CARE.
This shit is going to continue for two fucking years. Every single photograph or ‘news item’ will be dissected and complained about. On set photo of new Batman costume? Expect a billion discussions about how it sucks. Henry Cavill gets a paper cut on set? Cue a million fanboy websites rushing to report this important news. By the time the film is actually released you won’t have been able to avoid the endless speculation because pointless hype is their heroin.
If by some incredible miracle the film is actually good the viewing experience will still have been tainted by two years of people masturbating furiously over non-news.Tags: fan boys, fan rage, iron man 3, mass effect 3, star wars, the dark knight rises