10 Actors We’d Like To See Join Jackie Chan In The Expendables 3

expendables 3 - jackie chan
Posted on: December 18th, 2012

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In news that will have all action movie fans happy, Jackie Chan has said that he’d be willing to appear in The Expendables 3. Speaking at a press conference for his new movie CZ12, he had this to say:

“Sly had invited me to be in ‘Expendables 2′ but I was too busy filming ‘CZ12′ and couldn’t make a commitment to the film. But he did extend his invitation to the third movie, which I agreed on the condition that I will be appearing as more than just a minor role with a few scenes.”

I’m guessing that his insistence on having more than a minor role is a reference to Jet Li’s ridiculously quick and unexpected departure in The Expendables 2.

 

jet li -expendables 2

Screw you guys, I’m going home!

 

We’ve decided to look at a the perfect role for Jackie Chan and also some of the other actors we think should appear in The Expendables 3 (including actors who are already on The Expendables 3 wishlist; Clint Eastwood, Harrison Ford and Wesley Snipes):

Jackie Chan:

jackie chan - thumbs up

 

Though Jackie isn’t a complete stranger to using a gun, he’s nowhere near the gun-slinging death machine that the other members of the team are. Jackie works best in fast paced and comedic action scenes so we suggest getting Chan into as many hand to hand fights as possible (perhaps by saying he’s a pacifist to explain away why he never uses guns).

Role:

Chan could be a friend of Barney Ross who gets captured at the start of the film. This means that when he inevitably escapes he’ll be forced to use anything he can get his hands on to aid in his escape.

It’s simple math. Jackie Chan + furniture + random objects = fantastically choreographed fight scene!

Perfect scene:

Jackie Chan is known as a guy who did incredible stunts and always walked away. He’s had to limit the stunts as he’s gotten older (which is understandable if a little disappointing) so they should play on this. Have a scene where he’s forced to replicate a famous stunt from one of his earlier films (like the clock tower gag from Project A) and have Barney and co watch in horror as he falls. Barney will shrug and say something along the lines of, “Don’t worry,I’m sure he’ll be fine…” before it cuts to Chan in a full body cast with a grin on his face and giving the gang his trademark thumbs up.

 

 

Clint Eastwood:

 

clint eastwood - gran torino

 

Fantastic choice. This guy was running around…. well sauntering around showing us how to be a man before most of us were born. He’s the cowboy every cowboy wants to be and the bad cop that other bad cops are afraid of!

Role:

With his cold hard stare and gravelly voice he’d be perfect as the man who taught Sly’s Barney Ross everything he knows about being a bad ass.

Perfect scene.

3 goons come around asking about Ross. He meets them on his lawn with a shotgun. They mock his oldness until he uses the shotgun to bash in one of the  goons teeth before turning the gun on the other 2. Having dealt with them he walks to the fallen man, who is struggling to stand up, looks him in the eyes and says “Get off my lawn” before firing point blank into his face and sending him flying 10 feet back…..off of his lawn!

 

Wesley Snipes:

 

Simon Phoenix/demolition man

 

I’m pretty sure that if it wasn’t for certain…em…tax problems and going to prison, we’d have already seen Snipes in The Expendables. He’s right up there with Van Damme in terms of sheer volume of straight to DVD movies (of very mixed quality) but when given a decent enough script the guy really can get the job done (Blade 1 and 2, The Art of War and Brooklyn’s Finest).

Role:

A cameo bad guy seen from afar.

Perfect scene:

OK, this is a pretty big “in joke” but I’m sure fans of The Expendables will get it. Barney and company are looking at a deal going down between the villains when a bleached blond Snipes (looking suspiciously like Simon Phoenix) appears. He takes down all the goons using high kicks before running off into the night. Barney shakes his head and mutters, “I’m going to have to deal with that guy sometime in the ‘Future’”. Demolition Man fans around the world would rejoice!

 

Harrison Ford:

 

harrison ford/beard

 

This guy played some of the greatest childhood heroes around (Han Solo, Indiana Jones) but he seems to have become a pretty grumpy and humourless old man since then. He’s proved with Indiana Jones 4 (and a long string of by-the-numbers thrillers) that he’s not up for action roles like he used to be so I say they cast him as the villain.

Role:

Main villain.

Perfect Scene:

He’s chastising an underling who has failed him. He punches him before gripping his fist. “Jesus that hurt. I’m getting too old for this shit.” before nodding his head towards a henchman who immediately beats the crap out of the underling. He walks off muttering “When am I going to learn that I’m not as young as I used to be”.

 

Chow Yun-Fat:

 

chow yun fat/ a better tomorrow 2

 

His absence from the movies makes no sense whatsoever! The guys defined the Heroic Bloodshed genre and probably has a higher body count than all of the younger members of the team put together and probably even matches a few of the heavy hitters. Why isn’t he on the team? It literally makes no sense!

Role:

Triad hitman friend of Barney Ross.

Perfect scene:

The Expendables are in trouble in China. The boys start to worry they’re in over their heads even though Barney seems perfectly relaxed. As they’re about to get overrun a door opens behind the goons. Doves fly out and in walks Chow Yun Fat in shades, a trench coat and a gun in each hand. He takes out all the goons in glorious slow motion whilst diving to the side before turning to Ross and saying “Anyone order Chinese?”

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Author Info

Dan is just a guy who worked in a video store and took the compliment/insult that he was like “Randal” from “Clerks” a little too literally. Thankfully Bad Haven has given him the chance to blurt out his internal monologues on nerd culture. Proclaiming his love for the things he likes (which include books, movies, games, comics) and utterly destroying the things he doesn’t (pretty much everything else). Dan is an editor, reviewer and feature writer for Bad Haven.

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Comments
  • http://www.facebook.com/alexkazam Alex Kazam

    Awesome list, especially Niles hahaha! I’d love to see Michael Biehn given a shot too!