By Bad Man | Follow on Twitter
Vampires are mythological or folkloric beings who subsist by feeding on the life essence (generally in the form of blood) of living creatures, regardless of whether they are undead or a living person. Although vampiric entities have been recorded in many cultures, and may go back to “prehistoric times”, the term vampire was not popularized until the early 18th century, after an influx of vampire superstition into Western Europe from areas where vampire legends were frequent, such as the Balkans and Eastern Europe, although local variants were also known by different names, such as vrykolakasin Greece and strigoi in Romania. This increased level of vampire superstition in Europe led to mass hysteria and in some cases resulted in corpses actually being staked and people being accused of vampirism.
1. It’s hard to not love a man in evening wear.
3. Seduce me with Smex.
4. Such a dirty bad boy!
5. Protective much?
This isn’t to say vampires aren’t the worst in the lore, but these guys take “protecting” to a whole new level. With barbaric caveman mentalities, vamps are known for their over the top protection of the women they love. And once (if ever) a vamp truly loves someone, there’s no going back. Ever. It’s pretty much till death do us part, and in this case that can be a very, very long time. All women want their man to protect them, but most vamps can try a woman’s patience in this department. Still it’s nice to know a super-strong beefcake is looking out for you. At all times…and when you least expect it.
6. To sparkle or not to sparkle
Oh frel yes. Are you a sexy vamp that can rock my world ten times to Sunday? Then by the name of the undead gods bring on the sparkle!
Also, just a side note here, ladies love the bling-bling. Therefore we love shiny things. Rubbing down on a sexy vamp with 6 pack abs is hot. A vamp with some shiny bling covering them from head to toe…my hands might stayed glued to his body. Call us shallow if you want but we love anything pretty and sometimes a little pretty goes a long way.
Men can hate on the sparkle factor but that’s either out of jealousy, homosexuality issues or little man complex. Don’t hate on it just cause you don’t get it. Twilight for example was not written with “men” in mind, though I do know a few who have read it and didn’t think it awful. And without naming names (Dan, Al S., Uriah, James, Chris, Mike) I applaud these men for not letting stereotypes get in the way of a fantasy book.
7. Gimme that O!
Fact: Vampires give the best orgasms. Period. [citation needed]
Books, TV, movies you name it, vampires bring it better than anyone else. I know some of you might be thinking “How do you know this Katie?” and you’d be right to ask. While I may not have any personal experiences with vampires and sex I do buy into the belief that given all the other qualities these creatures possess the best sex of ones life HAS to fall in here too. Should I someday be proven wrong, I vow to the lore that I will never again read or watch anything about vampires again. But as my friend Daniel recently said, “The women, while frightened, are all squirming and withering and anticipating the forbidden, sexual release.”
Hear! Hear! *pounds gavel* With a vampire comes out-of-this-world mind-blowing sex. Hence, the best “O” of a lady’s life. I’ll buy this one hook line and sinker!
8. Show me the money.
With hundreds to thousands of years to perfect all their skills, vampires make the best lovers, fighters, protectors and providers. Playing the stock market much? Yup, pretty much every vamp you read about has invested over the years in stocks and bonds, to casinos and real-estate. You name it. Wealth and comfort are always on a vampire’s mind, the best of everything will cover every square inch of a vamps home(s). Does this make women shallow for liking a man that has the funds to keep us taken care of? No, if we love someone we would be happy living in a box on the side of the freeway holding our cardboard sign, but what it does do is give us that little peace of mind that money provides. A home. A vehicle. Food and hot water. Women as a whole are planners, thinkers and nesters. (For the most part lol)
9. So much raw Strength
10. Hot sticky…blood
Vampires make drinking blood look like a natural and intoxicating act. It seems so reasonable that blood could be a main source of nutrition. With shows like True Blood, where the vampires either drink it from bottle or tap it from the source, you could see why so many of us would be more then eager to cut open a vein in the name of the undead. Blood just looks cool when vamps drink it; It’s like the forbidden fruit and it makes us want it even more. Blood can be just as good as a nice Chianti for a vamp.
